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Cigar Butts Week 6

Cigar Butts Week 6

Arizona upsetting Oregon on Thursday night didn’t cause any alarm among the faithful, maybe some astrologist saw something but they failed to report the phenomenon to anyone. What did Nostradamus have to say? Upsets came one after the other, after another, and another, – no rhythm or reason to it. The only possible explanation was that CHAOS has gained control of College Football!
Arizona is now the only undefeated team in the PAC-12. Can you believe it? The Wildcats beat the number 2 team in the nation in the uber-hostile environment of Autzen stadium.

Next night, Friday, Utah State, with backup QB Darell Garretson ruined BYU’s bid for a perfect season. The Cougars even had Jim McMahon there, to induct him into their hall of fame. The Aggies, Utah variety, had previously lost to Tennessee and Arkansas State, but they got it all together Friday night behind their true freshman QB. is not really into conspiracy theories… who are we kidding? Yes, we are! And now, after two major upsets in a row we’re starting to consider one.

Mississippi State then beat Texas A&M, thanks to now Heisman frontrunner, Dak Prescott, and a smothering Defense. From the first snap of the ball, the Bulldogs were in control and never let up.

In the other major game for the State of Mississippi, Ole Miss never backed down from mighty Alabama. As we wrote Friday, “Ole Miss Receivers are better than Alabama’s secondary.” Bo Wallace and Laquon Treadwell sure proved us right. Bama’s QB Sims never gave the Crimson Tide a down field threat. Mississippi notched another win. In case you’re wondering, Southern Miss lost.

Even without another upset we’d considered this one of the most memorable weekends in College Football. But the Head Agent of CHAOS, Siegfried, was not done unleashing his dastardly plan. Anyone remember “Get Smart”?

TCU has never been awed by Oklahoma, they relish playing the Sooners. The Frogs don’t always win but they do give OU something to think about. Whilst they were thinking Saturday, the Horned Frogs were scoring points. TCU won 37-33.

The Great White North Conference wasn’t left out of the state of upset, and Northwestern and Purdue delivered. The Wildcats upset conference favorite Wisconsin and Purdue beat Illinois! Nebraska didn’t beat Michigan State, but they made it close.

So we have upsets in the SEC, the Big 12, that only has ten teams, and the GWN. Could the evil agents have more up their sleeves? Yes they did.
Arizona State had the most dynamic game winning, ‘Hail Mary’, since Doug Flutey did it to Miami! USC fans were cheering and dancing in the aisles, the hard fought game was theirs, just 4 seconds left on the clock, one long prayerful pass and ASU had pulled the upset! Trojans fell.
But CHAOS wasn’t finished with southern California, across town UCLA had to deal with Utah. Remember the Utes? They upset Stanford last year after the Cardinal had beaten Oregon. Last week the Bruins had just gotten their mojo in order by crushing the Sun Devils, then here came the Utes to rain on UCLA’s parade.

Not necessarily an upset since California has the better record, but Washington State QB Connor Halliday threw for a record setting 527 yards and five touchdowns! Yet the Bears beat the Cougars, 60 to 59!

Florida State beat Wake Forest so the ACC was the only major conference to not lose their leader. No, Wait! Virginia beat Pitt, 24-19, but the Panthers weren’t leading the conference.

There is no telling how many years the evil empire of CHAOS planned and schemed for this weekend. But we have to hand it to them, they were able to incorporate most every aspect of their scheme to perfection. Maybe they failed with Nebraska vs. Michigan State, but it’s impossible to lift The Curse Of The Hat. Three more losses and Nebraska will be back on track.

We’re also convinced that Katy Perry, who appeared on ESPN College Game Day, is a full fledged, real life agent of CHAOS. Just look at her picks.

If the nation ever needed the super-secret agency of CONTROL to step in and restore order, it’s now. Bring Agents Maxwell Smart and 99 out of retirement. No other heroes have the ability to clean up this mess, avoid more upsets, and eliminate the hysterics than these two. CHAOS has executed a most excellent plan.

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